When we walk the journey of life, the way is not always blue skies with green meadows. Many times, we are challenged beyond our capable minds, which compromise the true reflection of our hearts.
Memoirs of a Challenge was created to reflect on life challenges from all areas of circumstance as a means to connect or reconnect with ourselves or the people we live with and love in our world. It is a cup of comfort for devoted readers.
The goals of this blog:
to create a space where people feel validated
to share universal emotions that may hinder our true selves
to understand we are not alone in any challenge we face
to find support upon connecting with others who relate to the content
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Memoirs of a Challenge Wish List:
To find someone who can offer their services to update our blog section, and make it more user friendly and appealing to those who visit regularly.
January 18, 2012 -UNSTOPPABLE
Some of you may know I hurt my back a few weeks ago. My back was always sensitive since birthing my last child, but I kept it under control by staying active. After three years of taking Advil here and there, it took me to water my Christmas tree to completely throw my back out. And it hurt almost as bad as labor without meds.
I learned I had severe SI joint inflammation and here I am five weeks later. Still hurting, not able to do what I like or what I want. So I go through physical therapy and do my exercises to strengthen those loose, little buggers. I put on a few pounds and cautiously care about every move I make.
I feel inhibited. Restless. And I cannot escape the pain!
Knowing I have no time for this in my busy life, I realize there is nothing I can do to avoid it. It’s there and I don’t see it going away anytime soon. Just like other struggles in life, they wake up with us and they go to sleep with us. And sometimes these struggles intrude in our dreams! But let us not forget that it could always be worse and that we should be thankful for struggles (small or large) that teach us important lessons.
These last five weeks have literally put a halt on my favorite thing - writing. I can’t sit or stand for too long. I shift constantly. And God help me if I ignore my body and work for longer than one hour on a manuscript. I will suffer for it in the end! But I do.
I have waves of anger and sadness; bargaining and throwing in the towel. And then I persist, knowing this impossible obstacle will not break me.
And so, this week I give all of us who struggle a gift - A gift of thoughts to ponder by some very inspirational people. If you have a cross to bear, a mountain to climb, and yes one more cliche, a star to catch, then believe you can. Refocus your energy. Change your thoughts so you can change your world, and hurdles will move aside.
The attitude and the mind is where it all starts. - John Smith, Olympic Champion
Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. - Lou Holtz
Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it. - Irving Berlin
You've got to think about big things while you're doing small things, so that all the small things go in the right direction. - Alvin Toffler
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. - African Proverb
In order to discover new lands, one must be willing to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. - Anonymous
We all face a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. - Unknown
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. - Bernice Johnson Reagon
Nobody who ever gave their best effort regretted it. - George Halas
It was a Thursday afternoon. The sweeping air was chilly against my cheeks as my family walked through the park toward the ice skating rink. We all dressed in our log cabin sweaters and knitted hats, thankful there would be hot cocoa at the concession stand.
We stood on line for tickets when I first noticed her. She was right behind us surrounded by four, bubbly children all talking at once. With her four and my three excited little ones, our part of the line was noisy. Both sets of parents were busy shushing and reminding each child to control themselves.
Every now and again, our eyes met. She and me. Me and my husband. My husband and her. Me and her husband. And so forth. We said nothing, but all of us were thinking something. Frequent glances happened on and off for the next two hours while the two families skated.
Then it happened.
I sat on one of the benches watching my happy children, who were finally getting the hang of skating. Hers were doing the same, all progressing similarly. I admitted to myself that she had the worst of hairdos. I wanted so desperately to push the obnoxious, black strands back to see more of her face. And then I noticed the severe bags under her eyes, and thought she needed some make up. Like a tidal pool criticism came quickly, one right after the next. She was too thin in those baggy clothes. And why would she choose such a movie star hairstyle? It didn’t fit the rest of her humdrum, homely appearance. It didn’t look good at all, and it stuck out like a sore thumb.
Yes I know. This was not one of my stronger moments. I let my silent ramble take over knowing none of it was productive. But like I shushed my children just hours before, I was shushed.
One of her children barreled off the ice, smacking right into her. His impact was so strong, she fell back a bit. That awful hairdo? The one I branded as ridiculous? Well it shifted, revealing the stark baldness underneath. I watched as she quickly moved it back, telling him to be careful. Her eyes darted to see if anyone had found out her secret, and she found me. Our eyes met and we exchanged silent thoughts. Though I felt like busting out in tears, I managed a smile.
My heart broke in that second. It broke for her. It broke for me. That explained it. Cancer. Cancer was why she was so thin, so tired looking, so out of place with a wig. But she was there in the moment, in the trenches with her husband and her children. Still they smiled. Still they celebrated every minute they had while there. Still they carried on as if nothing broke them.
This total stranger was a shaft of light bursting through the darker side of my humanity. Though I was ashamed, I felt open and bouyant. My hypocrisy was gone and in its place was something which will last for months and maybe even years. It’s called thankfulness.
May God bless her and her family. May God bless all of us who have it good. May God bless our thoughts, the ones voiced and the quiet ones we are too ashamed to speak.
Tis the season for laughter, fun, and total depression. Yes! I said the word. Sadness. Blues. Misery. Loneliness. Stress. You name it, it happens. Even to the ones closest to us, including ourselves.
Holiday blues can be so different from the next. Maybe someone is suffering from heartbreak. Perhaps someone is missing a loved one who’s gone. Maybe someone is seriously ill. And given our lovely economy, maybe it’s the bank account or the seemingly dwindling value of what the season is supposed to mean anyway.
Whatever the source of hum bug it is, the effect is totalitarian. It grips our physical energy. Our spiritual auras are tarnished. Our outward radiance is thwarted. We go up and down, in and out, battling between the spirits of St. Nick and Scrooge. And it’s constant, even if we don’t feel sad.
I always say nothing helps the mind more than sunlight. I know. Skin cancer. Wrinkles. Getting older faster. Sunscreen/block. Blah blah and blah. To heck with it, because it works! A bit of chill awakens the senses too, sending a jolt of karmic energy right through the body’s core.
Latching on to those who make us happy is also a good thing. Friends. Family members. Animals who make us laugh or get our emotions out is essential. To let go of negative thoughts and feelings is key to not harboring them. If we lock them inside, we literally clutter, clumping mess on top of mess. We have a choice to feel miserable or lighter.
We can run through lists of this and that, what hasn’t been done, what isn’t going well, etc. Or, we can run through the lists of things worthwhile. How to catch up with a friend. Picking up the phone to say I love you. Thinking of happier memories, rather than those that changed us for the worst. Buying a gift for someone we don’t know. Or sitting quietly next to holiday pretties and thinking of all the blessings we do have and think little of.
The economy, the government, and the state of the world will scare the daylights out of any of us. Or, we can choose to understand that now more than ever things should mean more. We should find our true selves in all the crazy, so we can be one, beautiful mess so to speak.
I think that is what I am trying to say this week. Life is nothing but one, big mess. We can choose to be Oscar the Grouch, or we can be one, big, beautiful disaster. Someone who cares. Someone who loves. Someone who takes shelter in all the good this season brings. I am down and out about a lot of things. But I choose the latter. How about you?
What if your life is a lonely mess of regret? What if when you look back at your memories, disgust fills your vessels and all you see is red? There are too many of us frustrated, hateful, bitter, shortchanged, and so on. That list can be eternal if we let it. We all know responding to hateful things with love is next to near impossible. And for those that make it look easy? Well, perhaps we view them as saints, since most of us don’t feel such calm in calamity. We wish we were that gracious!
But what if your life has passed you by already? What if time has caught up, and nothing surrounds you but dark corners? What IF you can turn it all around so you can lead a long, peaceful life the way you thought you would, the way you always dreamed? Well, that would take forgiveness.
Hurt is part of who we are as people. Our enemies probably do not deserve the grace we need to give, but if we linger around all the things resentment brings, we are only killing ourselves – one, slow, tumultuous, death. Oh! And our enemies, the ones who started it, the ones who call themselves the victims, chances are they are not as affected as we are. So, the very best thing we can do for ourselves is to live a happy, successful life despite the hurt that’s made its mark.
When we turn bad into something good, we grow. We learn to appreciate important things. We suddenly see all the great things that have come from our hurt. And hopefully those positive consequences make us better people.
The word forgive means to untie. When we forgive, however we forgive, we detach ourselves from bitter ugliness. We break chains, and cycles, and spiritual prisons, and with time gain wisdom and trust.
So this week, if you’ve been hurt, try not telling that story anymore. Get your violin ready to start playing a brand new beautiful song that speaks of the true person you are, or want to be. Rise above it, and focus on those who deserve your positive energy. Radiate outward all the wonderful things you’ve found in your hurt, and use it for the good of this deserving earth.
It was a cold, fall day about a week away from Thanksgiving. The sky was so blue, it was almost violet as swirls of jewel-toned leaves danced along the busy street. I was stopped at a red light watching cars zip by. My mind raced in the world of mundane circumstances - a messy house, cooking and serving the same meal as last week, and being overtired.
I then glanced to my right. A man of about sixty leaned against a yield sign, sitting upon the cold cement. His eyes were closed, and he huddled as best he could with his flimsy, worn sweater. He had no socks, and one of his shoes was worn through to his toe. He held a sign on a brown paper bag which said
Handicapped. Can’t find work.
Hungry and cold.
Vietnam Veteran.
I rummaged through my car, and found nothing to give. I threw open my wallet, and found a twenty dollar bill, which I quickly swiped. I pulled over, stopped traffic, and opened my steel door to be greeted by the bitter chill in the air. I walked over to the man still with his eyes closed, and touched his shoulder. To my surprise, I was welcomed by a pair of friendly eyes the color of the Caribbean Sea. And when he smiled, I felt my soul move.
I handed him the money. I took my hat and set it on his lap. I undid my scarf and gently placed it around his neck. And if I was wearing a coat, I would have given it to him. All the while he watched me, saying nothing. I then peered one more time into his eyes, and put one hand on his cold, tanned cheek. I said, “Thank you.”
I ran back into my car, disregarding the honking horns and the impatient people wanting to make a right. I made my right, and proceeded to pick my boys up from school. When I stopped my car in the parking lot, I was in full blown tears. When I got out, the woman behind me jumped out of her car to meet me. Her arms cradled a brand new bundled up infant.
“Thank you for what you did,” she said, also crying. “Some man had just cut me off on the highway, and I was cursing his name all the way to school until I saw what you did for that man. I had to meet you, to tell you I was thankful, to tell you my anger is gone.” She then hugged me.
This woman greets me every time she sees me. We exchange a silent understanding that our lives are paradise compared to so many others. That one incident had a chain reaction, powerful and moving. Who knows how many others’ ill feelings were vanished on that day?
Perhaps this man was an angel sent to jolt a number of us back into what’s really important. I believe maybe so, but someone else might call it coincidence. I hope during this season that you look back upon your life. Think about the moments which moved you, and take time to be thankful for them. Have a beautiful week!
October 24, 2011 -TRUTH LIES IN DESPERATE MEASURES
Have you ever experienced something completely liberating? I would have to say I have, but none like the weekend I just had. For the first time in seven years, I rolled out of the driveway with my suitcase waving to my husband and my youngest child. Yep! I was alone in the car, driving to a writing conference. No children. No husband. No dog. No mess. No chaos. Just my GPS and that comforting purple line to follow. Oh! And my very loud music, which I love.
I attended this event, knowing I needed to step out of my shell in order to network, and also to say thank you to the hard working people giving us writers the time of day. But the second I got there, something went wrong. While confirming my appointmentI with a very important editor, I was not on the list! Immediately, my heart stung, and my stomach knotted. Quickly recovering, I spent the next thirty or so minutes skipping breakfast, a bathroom break, and a breather so as not to impose on the editor’s time when I showed up. The first three people had no idea what to do. The next two brought me to other people who didn’t know what to say. The last person brought me to the back where the editors, authors, and agents clumped together to settle their things and breathe before their big day. I was both embarrassed, and doing my best to conceal my angst with none other than my simple smile, hoping it was enough. With my confirmation letter at my fingertips for my defense, turns out I was on one list, but not the other. Whew!
I had enough time to say hello to the person sitting next to me, and was then ushered into my fifteen minute critique. All my questions; all my focus simply circulated everywhere else but within me. I was nervous. I was relieved. But I was blank. She started talking, and I started listening, answering in the best ways I could. Then it was over, and I was in line for the next event, just trying to find a seat. I got one alright. In the back with a huge, cement column in front of me hiding the speakers ahead!
The whole day seemed to play out this way for me. I found myself in odd, awkward situations, yet maintained my smile through it all. I learned some things about myself, which surprised me. One very important thing was the fact that I wasn’t as much of a baby writer as I thought. All too quickly I kept running into people who hadn’t even finished a manuscript, or had never gotten published, or were stuck on the fact that their family loved their manuscripts so why hadn’t it been published yet? I met a few “black clouds” and was delighted whenever I met someone upbeat, confident, and driven. I realized before lunchtime that I had come a looooong way in just two years (I have been writing for 7). I continued to listen, to take notes (I was the only one around me doing so), to savor the experts’ thoughts and comments, and to make sure I wrote out thank you cards on the spot, even though I had to chase the editor down to give her hers (ugh!).
Then the day was over and I was driving home the next morning. The night before, I’d come down from my high. The stress of it all seemed to subside, and I was left with a hollow sadness so deep, I swore my heart sank to my stomach. I was still alone on a journey where much of my way was in the dark.
The key note speaker said something very important to me - something that kept running through my mind. She said, “Write on the edge, knowing you can do it, you are called to it, and you believe in it.” And so I cried the second I got on highway 95 for a long while, because I believe she was acting as an angel to tell me that alone in our corner.
On the open road underneath the sunshine, I began to think more clearly. I thought about the notes I’d memorized from my editor’s critique. And then this sense of power came over me, and I realized my Lord was speaking to me. Each detail, each comment came with a plan, a spot in my opening chapter where I could work things out. The sensation was so strong, I had to pull over to see it through.
The point of all this is truth lies in desperate measures. It’s where you to take risks. It’s where you let go and get into the something deeply, wholly, and faithfully. It’s where you make things happen, where movement takes place, and where things become clear. And so, I move forward with a plan I know comes from somewhere else. I am an instrument being played by something bigger than me. I will dream big and risk failure, because I have to, because I believe, and because I want to make a difference.
Whatever goes on in your life, I hope you’ll have this premonition: to dream big while risking failure. We choose our destination, but something else chooses the journey before we get there. God bless!
October 18, 2011 - VISIBLY VIRBRANT VIBE - A SIGN OF THE TIMES
I have seen a major shift in my friends lately. I see so many making changes in their lives as they attempt to overcome bad habits, or add something new to their routines. I’ve noticed changes in how many of them look at things, consider consequences, and weight their priorities. Even the way many of them comment or update is different (when I am on the computer). For the most part, I see so much positive. I must say, it is nothing short of inspirational.
Getting a solid handle on daily routines, diets, emotions, and the various odds and ends of our lives isn’t easy. Change is magnanimous, no matter how small. It requires legwork, research, and dedication. It may also require Devil’s Advocates, rolling of eyes, and shaking of heads from all those around us. They’re to be expected, and if you want to think positively embraced. Those opponents will fuel your motivation to change all the more; to prove your point; to achieve something that seems impossible.
I am addressing this positive vibe, this unseen energy because it is everywhere. It isn’t something that is treading lightly. I feel its presence is consciously and unconsciously moving through us, connecting us to something bigger than we are. And at its best, this vibe is visibly vibrant in so many people I know. I can see these little changes making extreme impacts.
Here are some of things I am seeing just from my small group of friends:
Going simple rather than overkill (schedules, fashions, mindframes).
Coming of ages (finding out what you want to be when you grow up and going for it)
More and more date nights with spouses (even if they’re in the home).
An awakening and sharing on well-raised meats, and turning away from commercial overhaul and abuse.
Eating more organic foods, and literally quitting processed foods.
Spending more time with friends NOT on the computer.
Increasing work out routines and purifying the physical body.
More and more referencing to a Higher Power.
Rekindling of old friendships.
Giving and returning compliments.
Extending support for all kinds of situations.
You can see what I see, and with Autumn arriving, the positive harvest is making headway. So I thank you for your awakenings, your attempts to make a difference, and your wills to drive against common callouses. I am a believer of change when it is something good. We are deeper for it. We are richer for it. We are turning the world into a sensational energy, radiating beyond the individual, and moving toward a light - one person at a time.
Homework! Yes, you have homework:) I will always be a teacher!
Think of your friends' list (both on and off the computer). What positive changes are you seeing? What is their effect on you, on them, on others? Are you making changes? How are they making a difference in your life? Have a great week!
October 13, 2011 -THE QUIET SIDE OF COMMITTMENT: A VERY LOUD INTENT
When I think about this very humble blog, I realize there are things I really hate about it. It’s plain. It’s unattractive. There is no fancy writing or flashy photographs pasted on its walls. No interesting color – just white space and black writing. It is a wonder that so many of you keep coming back week after week to read this! And then I realize something else. Maybe it has nothing to do with how something looks. Perhaps it has everything to do with a feeling one gets when they visit here. Kinda like the old pair of shoes you just can’t part from, or the run down cottage you call home because it’s well, home. And then I start thinking maybe meaning is more important than trendy after all.
Still, every time I post something, I wish I could tack a cool photo with it, or something interesting I have found. I wish to see a rainbow of color warming up the pages so you could feel more at home, more connected, more fulfilled. This is my wish for Memoirs of a Challenge, for the Elijah Foundation’s site, for the families and individuals who come here for solace or some form of gravity to ground them.
I have been asked why I have not started my own savvy blog. My simple answer to go along with my simple blog is because I am committed. I live my life this way, regardless of difficulty or the old cliché that says the grass is greener on the other side. As I wait for my own computer savvy angel who could make a difference for us here at the foundation’s website, I remain humbled and committed to the cause of such a worthy platform – to assist children and their families in building support, empathy, and encouragement for their lives.
Perhaps some day one will contact us and say, “I can do this for you.” Until then, I run this blog from the quiet backwaters, the humble makings of dreams, and the dust and dirt kicked up by hard working people who wish to make a difference – kinda like the Old American Way. It’s what a calling is all about – to stand against the odds, because discouragement is NOT an option for us here.
This is a very strong message filled with wishes, prayers, and hopes – one that can be applied to anything in our lives when it comes to commitment.
And Angel, if you are out there, hear my wish for Memoirs of a Challenge, and come to me!
I pray for your wishes, readers, that you continue to stand for them, to have the grace to watch them manifest, to be part of the thing you dream of.
Our lives are fast-paced with very little time to think about what is important. Too many times we get caught up in the moments, and act on shallow thought rather than clear, grounded value. Most of the time, it is too late, because damage has already been done. For many of these life crises, or “moments”, our principles; our priorities can get lost on the wayside. We can make fools of ourselves or humiliate someone else. In essence, we can certainly put our foot in our mouth more than we would like to admit.
Sometimes I wish for the power to see it all before I say and do. I wish I wasn’t so flawed, so confused, so many times incompetent when it comes to life’s curve balls. I wish for ex-ray vision and an iron body so the negative bounces right off the second it hits me. Instead, I am half-blind. My body absorbs everything that hits it whether I know it or not. It comes out one way or another, either by my feelings, my aura, my actions, my physical health, my energy.
But in thinking about this, I realize we are given superpowers to grasp our inner strengths – you know, the ones we believe in when things are going great, and the ones that seem to get smothered by the more powerful impulses fueled by anger or greed. We just have to make more time to think about them, absorb them, meditate on them, and let them become us.
I know. You’re all probably thinking, yeah right! Who has time for that? But isn’t that why we are here to begin with? Rather than being first, coming out on top, looking better than the next, and so forth, isn’t this where our focus should be?
Our common sense is our ex-ray vision to know outcomes before they happen. Our iron body is built upon our core values over what society has conditioned into our belief system. We just have to recognize them and practice them daily. True Zen comes from this type of mastery.
For example, wealth is rarely a value in itself. It usually has a means to another end such as status, power, security, freedom, recognition, pleasure, etc. Core values should be the end value of everything before it, and you can see how with this example, things can get shady.
If you can, start pinpointing your core values. Build that strong foundation. I can tell you this is a life process, but if you are consciously making this effort, you will see how your little world gets better with every fighting chance. Self-identity will be more defined. Principles will be more stable and ready at a glance. Ex-ray vision will be sharper. We will be more credible. And being a credible person makes us incredible from all angles of the spectrum. Then we are truly someone’s superhero.
I just read passages from one of my favorite authors today (Clement-Davies). My own pencil marks are graffitied all over my copies to remind me of his beautiful imagery. I don’t want to forget them. I want them to settle in me, live in me, and grow in me. The beauty of his artistry makes black and white pages come alive with color, detail, and feeling. It’s as if he speaks to me a very, personal message: one that says lifeblood.
Suddenly, my own pulse quickens. A certain zest or zing spins through me. I am awakened. I am inspired. SUCH is the power of artistry.
We all have them – favorite musicians, painters, sculptors, dancers, writers, craftsmen. They are masters of our hearts, holding magic keys to undo what we don’t say; what we don’t think we feel; what we never think we are.
Form and matter are what they disguise so that we can transcend toward meaning. They go beyond what is and introduce what if. And then we are changed; not where we were, but where we want to go. What we want to be.
What is it about art that keeps us coming back? Some may argue this point, but I wonder if it is because much of art portrays life and its many struggles. We relate. It speaks to us. It violently shakes us or gently sways us. Either way, we are moved.
So, the next time you hear her sing that song, the one you can’t get out of your mind. Or view a painting, the one that’s captured your eyes and pulled you in further. Or read a passage, the one you keep going back to over and over. Treasure it. It was the artist’s intent to speak to you, to gift feeling within you, to make you feel alive.
September 20, 2011 -DISCIPLINE IN THE STATE OF EMERGENCY
This week, I will be attending a PTG meeting at my school to hear about their “new and improved” discipline plan. This new spruced up version of discipline fosters a healthier approach to boost self-esteem in students. We were told that studies have proven this system works, and that research supports encouragement thereof. Some other rhetoric, propaganda, jargon – whatever you want to call it is as follows:
Misbehaving children are “discouraged children”.
Getting rid of the crazy idea that in order to make a child do better, first you have to make them feel worse.
To focus on solutions rather than blame.
In order to do well, students have to feel good.
Ongoing effort is a work in progress for individual students.
Making sure the message of love and respect gets through.
Out with the old demerit system and onto a new system, which requires class meetings and notations of what individual students need to be working on, without any clear guideline or for that matter CONSEQUENCE to delinquent behavior or ongoing misdemeanors.
What we weren’t informed of, however, was the flipside of too much positive discipline or the downsides of too much cooperative problem solving. The slogan Rules are Rules becomes sketchy, cloudy, and ultimately fades away. Suddenly, one is lost (parents and students alike), not knowing where the expectations really are.
Our demerit system (a system that wasn’t truly followed to begin with) has been branded as ineffective – a form of punishment, as if demerits are a type of mental abuse on a child for rules they should be well aware of, and of course respect. The result? Abolishment, leaving parents like me wondering.
I am not saying I don’t support positive discipline. I do. In fact, I take much delight with my own children and students using it. However, there are lines my children are learning not to cross. They are the lines between child and adult; authority and apprentice; rule and impulse; respect and disregard; real-world and fantasy-world. Too much of a good thing can be detrimental if there is no balance.
It is no secret that schools across America are struggling and frustrated. The growing imbalance keels over, and our cups overflowith for sure! It’s inflated. It’s everywhere. It’s messy, due to philosophical extremities.
Narcissism is an obsession that people have with themselves. Entitlement is a systematic flaw in American students where they think everything is owed to them, including challenging rules. Suddenly, they are above, and everything else is below.
The oxymoron? The major, catastrophic overhaul in all this? Schools contribute to warm and fuzzy feel good approaches. The real world? Out there? When they leave the overly soft systems? The real world is holding people accountable for their actions. Society judges the individual, not the cooperative group in many cases. Achievement is much more important than effort. The real world is competitive, and more and more studies are showing young people are not prepared for it - a real eye opener that isn't being talked about enough.
I leave you with some thoughts this week. I know these questions will be churning in my head right down to the pit of my stomach. They will be blinking like neon signs during my meeting tomorrow night in the state of emergency. And I am fully aware that my balanced philosophy is the minority.
Are high expectations for students really damaging self-esteem?
Is accountability too stressful and damaging to self-esteem?
Is effort more important than achievement?
Should competition be replaced by cooperative flatlines?
Is the shift of developing the intellect to a narcissistic focus on emotions too tipped?
Is feeling really more important than thinking?
Should teachers focus more on teaching skills rather than being consumed with therapy?
Are students really damaged if they get yelled at, get a demerit, get an extra assignment or job, get suspended or expelled to make up for their misbehaviors at school? (This should be tiered of course)
Yikes! That’s a lot to think about, isn’t it? I will be thinking about it, alright, but with the focus of balance rather than one philosophy over another. We can't afford warfare between progressive and traditional approaches in education. Our children are counting on us for balance of the two - something I fear is failing in more ways than one.
September 06, 2011 -GET A LIFE! get a SPIRITUAL life!
Spiritual practice. Maybe it means becoming closer to your God. Perhaps it means trying to connect more with the world around you. It could be an acceptance of your life, an inner peace which extends beyond just you as an individual.
One thing I have learned is that spiritual practice is not something to put off, neglect, or eradicate. It is an ongoing cultivation of self-care so to speak, a necessary kind of maintenance that makes us better people.
When we do spiritual practices, we are steering ourselves past daily drudgery. It is in these fresh realms that we are awakened, reconnected, guided, and ultimately refreshed.
Now I know how difficult it is to have a regular, spiritual routine, but I strive for it. Even when I fall asleep the second I begin my rosary, or get side-swiped by a million thoughts in my head, I want it. I need it. Why? Because it defines all the parts in me that maybe I don’t understand, or have lost touch with. It is the one practice that makes me feel bigger than my body (you know, that song by John Mayer?).
If you don’t have a practice.
If there is something missing in your life you can’t figure out.
If life has you in the trenches.
If you’ve been meaning to, but have not done so.
Get a Spiritual Life!
Tips to start!
Find a quiet, peaceful place.
Find a spot indoors AND outdoors. Both are very important.
Use self help books, daily reflections, poems, religious books, prayers, or just nature.
September - the final close to lazy summer days. Life quickens, and challenges become relentless. How does one stay sane? How does one build momentum in the midst of exhaustion, routine, and obligation? We can either wither, brown, and fall away, or we can reap something useful, something beautiful, something savory. Here’s some help to keep you on the road to a successful harvest within.
Moments – they are for seizing not ceasing.
Celebrate even the small stuff.
When you are in the moment, inspiration takes over.
Be passionate about color, and wear it.
Find a sense of belonging, even if it means just you.
Don’t pass, choose.
Get outside to sharpen your senses.
Collaborate rather than dictate.
Refocus negative energy.
Stop putting things off. Just go for it.
Regiment yourself on a diet filled with nature…fruits, veggies, whole grains, and protein.
Snapshot! Another person who’s ticked you off. Snapshot! You can’t seem to find time to do what you want. Snapshot! Nothing ever works out the way it should. Your mind is filled with a mental collage, but it’s clipped with brash headlines and zaniac news stories that have you stewing over the recents in your life. The result? Depression, disappointment, feeling trapped, and insane anger.
No matter which way you look at your mind’s scrapbook, you are the star of the show. It all comes down to how you perceived the incident, how you reacted to it, and what the consequences were. You have to deal with organizing events and putting them in logical order. Oh! And you have to somehow make it look good, or at least make yourself look good.
Maybe this point calls to mind situations you might not be proud of. Perhaps you reacted out of line, or took things way too far. I know that I am guilty here and there. However, it is important to remember life is unrehearsed. Some may improvise better than others, but the images always remain. They are stuck to our minds like neon signs throbbing in red, lasting for hours, days, weeks, months, and sadly sometimes years.
So, the thought this time around is about reframing our experiences. We are an eternal download. We see. We do. We live our ever evolving dramas. Look back at the images and the feelings we carry daily. What are they telling us? Can we make some of them better? Maybe we should call someone to say we’re sorry or to reconnect. Maybe we should make a commitment to ditch our old ways and find new, healthier ones. Maybe there is a risk we need to take in order to change our course of actions for later on. Whatever it is, take one snapshot at a time. If it isn’t looking great, how can it be changed for the better? Reframe, and then reclaim dignity for yourself and the life you are trying to live.
With that first high fever, the one my little boy came down with right before the Fourth of July, my heart sank. There would be no fireworks for us this summer. Our long awaited relatives would visit, see everyone else, and pass us by.
Little did I know severed holiday plans were only the beginning. In a matter of five days, all three of our children were sick with fevers, aches, chills, and congestion. No one slept, and everyone was uncomfortable.
Two weeks later, I corralled the kids in the car, took them to the doctor (again), and made my argument as to why they needed something to alleviate their menaces. Well, the kids got better and then Daddy got sick. One week after that, Mommy got the “IT” that no one wanted. And she got it the worst!
While I have been holding down the family fort for over a month and dancing a tango around pneumonia, a thought occurred to me..We were still enjoying our summer!
Despite cancelling two weekend vacations and countless days to the beach, dealing with our AC and refrigerator breakdowns, buying more boxes of tissues than I care to admit, and living on cough drops, medicine, and soup for almost six weeks, our summer has been jammed pack with cabin fever!
I am not talking about the kind of cabin fever that drives everyone bonkers, itching to get out (though we’ve certainly had our moments). I am talking about real family fever, where we’ve been forced to be together, think up grand ideas to pass through long, grueling days, and remain in harmony.
We’ve had no choice but to use what’s around us to keep us busy anywhere from puzzling to frequent movie gatherings to board games to arts and crafts to making music to sitting on beds and just talking or reading together. For 5 ½ weeks!!
It’s been enlightening. It’s been fun. It’s been creative. Comical. Insane. Loud. Peaceful. Beautiful. Meaningful. Everything a summer vacation should be.
There is a saying, “Life’s too short to NOT wear your party pants.” This summer, I learned that “Summer’s too short to NOT wear your pajama pants.” We’ve had our stay-cation. It wasn’t what we planned, but we lived it up in our home. We were there. We were together, and we had a blast.
And though we are not out of the woodwork (still coughing, taking meds, and popping cough drops), we plan to end our vacation looking back at all the things we treasured during our summer’s cabin fever.
Here's to your summer. No matter what! Wear your party clothes....even if they are pajamas:)
We all crave it. We all need it. But when we think about it, do we really know why? I am talking about touch – a very basic, yet fundamental way of bonding and communicating with those we love.
There is something about a person’s presence in the act of touch. When the touch is meaningful, no words need to be spoken, but the messages are clear. They are saying, I love you, you mean a lot to me, I want to help, and I am here for you. The deep current of a positive touch can most certainly outweigh any words, but when both words and touch are combined, the effect is even deeper. So much that one can really feel the spirit within lighten, lift, and drift toward reverie.
A compassionate hug, holding hands, a romantic kiss, all of these and more have lasting benefits on the spirit. Some studies show that healthy touch can lower blood pressure, boost the immune system, calm anxiety, and alleviate depression. As Michelangelo once said, “To touch can be to give life.” I believe this is true. I like to think of touch as if it were laser heat, which fuses and repairs any loose thread or tear in a relationship.
Soothing touches make us more resilient in a world which tosses us around in a vacuum of stress, worry, and negativity. Like a disinfectant, worldly toxins are minimized, leaving so much more room for good things like rest, safety, calm, cooperation, growth, and connection.
So, if you’re one of those parents or partners or caretakers who hold back from touch, don’t. You are literally depriving yourself and another from one of the greatest joys of being human. The warmth of it, the comfort of it, the message of it – It is a wonder that we don’t do it more often. Think about how to touch in your relationships, and resolve to do it. Your reward will be tenfold. Here are some ideas to help you with your new commitment.
Sitting next to one another? Lean into each other, hold hands or link your foot with theirs and caress each other’s footsies using, well, only feet, or thumb wrestle.
Passing one another? High five em, Grab a kiss, pat on the back or the top of the head, or literally stop them and ask for a token to pass via a loving gesture.
Lying next to each other? Hold each other, steal a kiss, run your fingers through their hair, and yes, smell them.
Standing next to one another? Slow dance (yes, you can do this with your childrenJ).
Walking somewhere? Lock arms and clasp hands.
Going on a date? Make it a hands-on date where you must touch somehow/someway for the whole time you are togetherJ This is both hilarious and fun as you go from public to private places!
Rainy day blues? Get a paper and crayon, blindfold one another, hold hands, and make a picture together going on feelings. Surprise! Look what you’ve made. Make a snack together and snuggle up, share a small blanket, foot massage, paint someone else’s toenails, brush someone’s hair.
Caring for someone who is sick? Caress their cheek, run your fingers through their hair, rub their leg or their feet.
Have fun, be close, and tell the ones you need that you love them!
Every day things. They are inevitable. They are expected. We do them involuntarily because they happen so much, almost robotic, and often times undermined. There is nothing special about everyday things. Life as we know it, is filled with boring, tedious, demanding routines, which seem ironically to steal the life right out of us.
But what if ordinary things were a testament to how we really love ourselves and others? Somewhere in the blurred lines and the no big deals, we are most definitely articulating the person we truly are. We are dictating our strengths and weaknesses. More importantly, we are confirming our higher or lower selves, our deeper or shallower depths, the way we value what we have.
If you take the quick-paced world, and slow it down, suddenly ordinary things are truly special. Sitting on a porch swing with a loved one to pass time. Making a homemade pie rather than buying one. Calling someone on the phone rather than texting them. These simple, yet meaningful gestures are just a few slices of life’s rare delicacies indeed.
There is no escape from the mundane, but there is an escape from the way we look at it. Do something ordinary, and turn it into the extraordinary. You will instantly be connected, reminded, and rewarded for your efforts. The sweetest, most delicious parts of life come straight from the ordinary. Never forget that.
It is safe to say I do not know everything about myself. After thirty five years of living in my own skin, I can still…
Surprise myself
Love more of myself
Tick myself off
Change myself
Adjust myself
Put my own foot in my mouth
Embrace myself
Navigate myself
Lose myself
Learn something new
Break myself
Fix myself
Celebrate myself
Compliment myself
Inspire myself
Motivate myself
Plunge myself
Risk myself
Inform myself
Honor myself
There is no end to the self. We are always a challenge, always a mystery, always a continued piece of art…molded, constructed, taken apart and put back together. Just to confirm myself, to be myself, to know more about myself, so that I can be alive deep under my appearance.
I used to be a house that no one wanted. Even the ones who lived in me abused me. They loved to dent me, scrape me, put holes in me, dirty me, neglect me, leave me. Like an eye sore, I stuck out, making everyone who saw me cringe. I leaked. I sagged. I rotted away. No one heeded the sign that said For Sale. Who could ever love a mess like me?
Then, after years of sadness, the little buds of spring came. Two people stood at my door peering in my windows. I was needless to say, embarrassed and ashamed. They were young, energetic, and willing to learn. I had nothing to offer them but headache, financial obligation, and disappointment.
But to my surprise, they bought me. And in time, they made me their own. As if I were their lifeline, their sense of security, they cleaned me. They painted me. And with time, they updated me and made me beautiful with their own, two hands. Now, I stand tall and magestic; immaculate and adored. They gave me a family to protect; a foundation to build upon for their children. They trusted me, relied on me, and showed me my value.
Even after eight years, these people continue to clean me, prune me, sweep me, wash me, organize me. Better yet, they decorate me and bring me their family and friends; good-natured people from all walks of life. They sit in my dining room and tell me stories. They fill me with inspiration, and make me more worthy, more important, more beautiful.
I hear him as he gripes, and sweats, and fixes. I hear her as she sighs, and toils, and mixes. Through all of it; through everything; through time and time again, I hope they hear me say I love you and I am here for you until you are gone. Before them, I was just a house – meaningless; pointless. Now, I am a home – joyous; spirituous; ubiquitous in every person who lives and visits here.
Everyday the mirror reminds me of my age. Lines lurk at the corners of my eyes, waiting until I smile to make their dramatic appearance. My lip line is not as crisp, and I faithfully apply my lip liner in hopes to decrease its persistent demand. Streaks of gray creep in leaving rogue, silver strands in the sunlight. I work harder to keep my body from moving south, and yet I slack longer because I am tired. Oh yes. Mirror Mirror surely does not claim me as the “fairest one of all”, or does it?
What is the secret of youth when no matter what, the body gets old? This is a complex answer, because it has to do with the heart. Though a vital muscle within all of us, the heart itself has unseen, but powerful realms of force. We beat rhythmically, physically, mentally, and spiritually to the music of our souls. Our inner selves – our spirits – our graces are connected to one another and better yet, something bigger than our bodies reveal. All the keys of youth lie in these realms. They are available to us, if we are attentive to them.
Body aside, deep within my core, things are still very green and blooming, but I am still amateur. I am curious as a child, alive with energy and hope. I’ve walked upon my inner gardens, learned some of the ropes, and even planted some seeds of my own. There is still so much to experience; so much I do not comprehend; so much I am not even aware of, and this is my life. The realm of the heart goes on and on until eternity, and my experience of it; my feeling of it; my belief in it is ever changing and never ending.
Our thoughts, actions, deeds, reactions, and pursuits all come from the spirit of the heart. That is why its energy must be preserved. It is the only thing we have to keep young; to stay in the light; to keep laughing; to dance in sorrow; to celebrate the smallest of things; to dream the biggest of dreams.
One must be careful though, because within the spirit of the heart lies luring darknesses. Temptation, naivety, addiction, weakness, and indecisiveness can sway, derail, and sabotage wholesome, youthful potential. These splotches of darkness lurk in every direction. They prey on the detached. They thrive on vice. They ruin the “fair ones” and turn them ugly.
So, if you look older yet feel younger. If you are lighter, rather than heavier. If you appreciate what you have been given. You are beautifully breaking through like a ray of sunlight on someone else’s world. That makes you definitely the “fairest one of all”.
From the moment I knew you were with me, you changed my life. All the sleeping parts of me were awakened, and I became so much more alive. Since that time, you have been with me, teaching me, priming me, loving me, and preparing me for all the hopeful things a mother wants for her beloved.
Of all the things I’ve made as a homemaker, wife, mother, and worker, you are my greatest homemade creation. Conceived in love, and reared toward the simple goodnesses of life, you are my masterpiece. I look at you, and see how your promising beauty outweighs any flaw you have. For you are good. You are rooted. You are a treasure trove to me and to the world.
On this day, when you thank me for all that I have done for you, I must do the same. For you bring to me what no one else can in this world.
When I need to be inspired, I just have to look into your joyful eyes.
When I need to be supported, I just have to be wrapped in your arms for a hug.
When I need encouragement, I just have to talk with you.
When I need to be challenged, I just have to focus on the things you do.
When I need to be humbled, I just have to listen to you.
When I need to be graced, I just have to see you.
When I need to be validated, I just have to realize all the wonderful things you do.
When I need to be pushed, I just have to be with you.
When I need to trust, I just have to let you be.
This endless list is the treasure trove you are, filled with priceless, important, and necessary purpose. When you are opened and free to display all that you are, you light the world, and you light my soul. I love you, my child. Thank you for making me strive to be better, to live better, and to light the world alongside of you. It is a privilege to be blessed as your mother so that we can work together to make this world a better place.
Taking care of the sick. It is messy. It is tiring. It can be annoying. We get the run around with no time to relax. We cringe as symptoms surface and temperatures rise. We keep a strong face, no matter how much we crumble. Our patients are cranky, whiny, grumpy, demanding, and maybe even stinky, and we are humbled indeed.
The self kicks in. We worry about our time and our sleep. If we’re going to catch it. If it will last long. If we’ll have to change sheets or bother the doctor in the wee hours of the morning.
And then the self battles with the heart. While we worry about ourselves, we feel sorry for the one who is sick. We want their pain to stop. We want them to be peaceful once again.
Day after day. Hour after hour. Minute by minute. We are back and forth in between selfishness and selflessness.
But while we are in the trenches, small things can quickly turn into impressions that are larger than life. One moment can bring a hug, which can in turn imprint on the heart. The person may not remember or want to dwell on his or her sickness, but they will most definitely think about the kindness and tenderness they are shown.
And that goes for the caretaker. An encouraging word, an offer to help, or even just noticing how patient they are as a caretaker can move mountains.
These little gestures have an amazing effect, because in those moments, it is never about the self. It is always about the heart. And the heart does not waste time on the unimportant. Whether we realize this or not, every time we get the chance to take care of the sick, it is the chance to be greater than ourselves and closer to our centers.
Caring for the sick is depressing, isolating, tiring, sacrificing, trying, crippling, frightening, and many other “ings”. But after all is said and done, caring for the sick is an act of honor, of strength, of love. And love completes life, because it involves everyone.
April 06, 2011 -It\'s the EXTRA That Counts in a Partnership
Days have passed. Hours have withered away. Minutes have dwindled, and seconds have vanished before you can blink. When was the last time you told your partner you love them? Better yet, when was the last time you showed your partner love?
There are a whole lot of people out there struggling to get it together with their partner or spouse. Time literally slips through their hands, and they are always too busy, or they will get around to it, or worse, things just haven’t been “right” lately.
I am here to tell you I have been there, until my husband and I made a conscious decision that what extra things we do for each other is top priority.
The extra things we do for each other is top priority.
We all work. Maybe we have kids. There is the house, the chores, and the daily routines. Maybe we are even going through a difficult time financially, spiritually, or physically. The point is…..extra. Stepping outside our comfort zones. Thinking outside the box. Surrounding one another with TLC rather than just spices for physical contact.
None of us can jump straight into a passionate life without commitment and more importantly, team work.
Everything matters when you are in a relationship.
And so, we have these crazy, busy lives that literally tear away opportunities to be together. Extra things could be simple, caring words we say in passing. Extra smiles where we stare into each other’s eyes for meaningful seconds. Hugs on the run. Whispering secrets into each other’s ears. These take seconds to do, but the impressions they make last for days and days.
Reserving extra time for the special times is a must.
Anyone who thinks they can be in relationship without making special reservations for each other is probably not real high on the love scale. I am not talking about expensive dinner dates or extravagant get aways. Most of us don’t have $20 to our names. So what do we do? How do we do the extra when there is no extra? Here are some ideas my husband and I have stumbled upon and made gold between us. With some constant team work and commitment, we are now rich in spirit together…connected, valued, romantically involved, and better yet, fulfilled. Now this type of “romantic living” has become a part of our natural routine.
Create a space that is just for the two of you. Perhaps a bedroom or a patio like we’ve done. Fill it with everything the two of you love, music, candles, lights, and ambiance.
Write “I love you” in the steam while one is in the shower and the other is dawdling near. This works so great after the end of a long day.
Make a CD together, and dance under the stars on your front porch or your backyard.
Leave a trail of love notes on sticky paper in fun places around the house.
Surprise call one another just to say something fun or something intimate between just the two of you.
Make dinner time a romantic meal for the whole family complete with table cloths, candles, a formally set table, and music.
Clean up together.
Carve your initials in a tree on your favorite walk path.
Always walk hand in hand. Always!
Watch a romantic movie in the dark, on a blanket on the floor with a picnic basket in your den.
Write a love poem or buy a book of poems and read them aloud to one another.
Walk barefoot together somewhere.
Play hooky together and declare an “I love you” day.
Do the unexpected in daily routines.
Always be creative and find THE FUNNY.
Use magazines to help stir conversation.
Dress up. Put the lipstick on for him, and splash the cologne on for her.
Remember:
It is the EXTRA that counts. Find a way to do this daily in your relationships, and both of you will grow together in a romantic lifestyle. Everything else you want will naturally come afterJ
Max Lucado says, “Children spell love with four letters T-I-M-E.”
Parental presence is the foundation for time with our children. Downtime, hang-out time, activity time, cook time, anytime, all the time is where presence is sowed. “Being there” speaks louder than any word one can say. Presence is what makes family grounds right for healthy growth, strength, and ultimate wealth.
The quality within our presence is our spiritual investment. Are we satisfied with one bloom or multiple blooms? One type of bloom or different kinds of blooms? Quality time isn’t a loud thing. Not a proud thing. It’s a quiet, genuine, personal thing between parents and their children. Inside jokes, connective conversations, family rituals, and the little things we “like” to do together all add to our family investment, making it diverse and flexible.
Opportunities come and go, and change with every season. The important thing is to keep a focused eye on the threads which hold families together. These precious threads are what hold the world together. A strong family unit makes a strong individual. So why would we become lazy with our approaches, or too busy to deal with our issues?Why wouldn’t we be loyal to the central components that make a happy home?
If our children spell love with time, then our responsibility as parents is to ensure that our family accounts are stocked with memories, laughter, discussions, and time spent together. We will all grow old, but if our family investments are made, watched, and allowed to multiply, we will be loaded with every good thing life has to offer.
Note: This goes for every kind of relationship out there:)
It is constant - flare ups, back ups, tight squeezes, and the occasional crash. There is speed, recklessness, saturation, and abuse. Important things are forgotten. Motives are lost. Engines are burned out. Fuel is hard to come by. Is this picture graphic enough for you?
Now ask yourself. Why am I running? Why am I speeding? Is there a purpose behind my race?
If there is, and you find yourself happy, then congratulations! But if there isn’t, or you can’t define it, and you are downright miserable or overwhelmed, then you’re like most of us.
The point of this week’s entry is to define your purpose in life’s traffic jam. Look for your gifts and talents. Are you using them? Find the meaningful intentions you had as goals. Are they still there? Are you working toward them honestly, and with integrity? Are you putting limits on what you can do, thus stifling potential, undermining journeys, and depleting energy?
Once you see yourself in this traffic jam, renew.
Take a detour. Move ahead. Turn back. Change your mind. Start a new journey. Take avacation. Get directions. Take a break. Pull over. Move over. Let someone in. Get yourself out.
Traffic is menacing. Find a clearer road. Even if it meanders, and you arrive late, be sure to arrive open, thankful, enriched, fulfilled, and happy.
Have a great week! Watch the things that contribute to your life’s traffic jamJ And safe driving!
Just recently I sat in the quiet. It was dark, a bit chilly, but I was comforted by none other than the dog – our soul giver. The feel of his fur against my hands put me into some sort of reverie. I started thinking about my life and all the gifts in it.
My husband, my children, my home, my dog, my family close by.
(I call it the simple life, but when I look deeper into it, I see that it is a blessed life.)
All the good things about my life tumbled out, spilling all over the floor. I was buried in good stuff, surrounded by rich memories, filled with joy. And then it dawned on me….
How could I have the audacity to ask for more?
What I mean is this dream of writing, of being a voice for young people. Was I after the fame of it all? Why was it so important for me to work so hard so that people could read words I’ve written? Am I simply obsessed? Why do we always want what we can’t have? Why do we always want more? What makes me so special to acquire something like this? Is it all in vain?
These are the crippling questions – the very questions that inhibit, smother, and kill ambitions and dreams. They are the culprits of fear and self-guessing, which compromise any good intention.
Being the person that I am, I prayed as my dog came closer, seemingly knowing my thoughts. As he smothered me, demanding I give him a hug, I laughed. That moment told me this…
Because I am called to do it.
Writing has nothing to do with me, but it has everything to do with the messages that I am called to be a voice for. I am simply a tool, a worker, a vessel being steered by something greater than myself.
I began to see the time I’ve been given. Being home raising my children has given me time to think, be creative, expand, meditate, and embrace. Gift #1.
I saw the richness of my life, and felt my appreciation for everything good and everything bad, simple and complicated. Gift #2.
I felt inspired to help weave my thoughts into the matrix of a growing person – someone with great potential to live a full life. Gift #3.
And so, faithfully from one rejection to the next, I am called. I am listening. I am working. I am here. Do with me as you wish, for I am yours to shape until I die.
And so the old saying goes….people reunite at a funeral or a wedding. This past week I lost an old friend in his young thirties. Sadly, somewhere in our busy lives, we lost contact. We managed to stay close in high school, keep in touch in college, and then our connection simply faded as work and families took over.
Upon his death, I was amazed at how the times we spent flooded back into my heart. The bottom line is that he meant something to me. Our friendship was worth more than I put into, and vice versa. And though I once told him that, I can never tell him that again. He died not really knowing just how much he touched me. He was genuine, good-natured, and humble, and for those reasons, I loved him.
His tragic death has now started a chain reaction to those of us who were once close. When we are young, we are open-hearted and willing to keep our friendships. When we are older, and something like this happens, we realize that we’ve derailed from something so meaningful as friendships. Suddenly, connections and relationships are the only things that matter. Our dear friend is unaware (or maybe he is very aware) that we’ve realized this is what our lives are all about. So, in honor of our sweet friend, we will gather and hope to preserve and maintain those connections. Friend in the heavens, this one is for you…
Freedom in the Sky
Something so personal, which cuts me to my core
A loss of a friend whose smile is no more.
I honor your life, your value, your lead
And memories of things I’ve loved and will need.
I cherish the years and the moments we’ve had
How we savored the good and endured all the bad.
You are precious to me, a part of life that’s so dear.
I will dream of you there while I remain here.
I wish you your freedom from burden and strife.
I wish you salvation from a suffering life.
The sunshine will shield me; the rain will bring tears
January 21, 2011 -WAKE UP! LIFE ISN\'T JUST ABOUT YOU
It’s been a long week with probably too much to do. Ah, the weekends! A time to think; a time to relax; a time to focus on yourself. Sounds great, eh? Of course it is. But I have one question. Is your focus about yourself so deep that you are forgetting about the rest of the world?
Today, we are all wrapped tightly around a society which promotes the self –
Self-admiration
Self-esteem
Self-regulation
Self
Self
Self
We spend much of our time thinking about more money, more success, more glamour, more of what is “owed” to us; and in so doing, we place heavy emphasis on becoming better, looking better, and striving to actually BE better. But how many of us have phony, rich lives? Phony beauty? Phony friends? How many of us have inflated ourselves so much that we don’t notice our own, inner deficits? This can be the derailing component to so much self focus.
As I mentioned before, it is the weekend. I challenge you to think about your relationships. Put aside shallow values, meaningless confidences, and unnecessary materialism.
Have you been a good friend to someone else?
Do you talk too much to hear yourself, or are you really listening to another?
Are you only in tuned to how you feel, rather than how another feels in a situation?
Have you shown someone else how you really care? Perhaps not in the ways you would like, but in the ways they might need?
How hard are you working to help that person understand that they matter in your life?
The point of all this is to BE BETTER, but being better may not have to do with you
as a single focus. It may have everything to do with keeping genuine, warm, caring relationships with others. As I tell my children almost daily,
“This world rarely has anything to do with you alone. It has everything to do with how you contribute to the world.”
These are the long lost habits or fascinations I keep hearing from people I chat with. Granted, some are not as easy if one has a house filled with children, a job with little to no leniency, or a crippling ailment, but I hear quite a few that are still obtainable. An exercise routine, a certain diet, an old pastime that made a difference – these are most likely things we can still grasp. The point is, many of these routines or lifestyles were positive.
They made us happy;
Gave us freedom;
Connected us to what’s important;
Molded us into better people.
With a new year comes a new beginning. That is what resolutions are all about. But before you think up some bold resolution that really doesn’t fit into your life, think about the times when you were most happy. What was it that moved mountains for you? Maybe you painted, maybe music was your passion, or perhaps you used to sit in the quiet more often to listen to your surroundings. There are so many things we discover while growing up. Perhaps it is time to revisit those positive things to rediscover, to reconnect, and to internalize all the benefits that come from those great, old habits. If we do this, then maybe our 2011 will radiate something different, something new, something fresh on our horizons.
It was another one of those days – cold, drab, and busy. With barely any sleep the night before, I trudged through the day half-hearted, edgy, and detached as if I were Scrooge reincarnated. There were things to do, but no motivation to do it. Instead, everything that needed to be done was looked upon as an obligation rather than a privilege. I was simply going through the motions, secretly wishing my life was different for that one day.
Feel familiar?
I think it is safe to say that most of us have days like this when the routine becomes our enemy, but if we’re paying attention, the smallest surroundings can make epic moments where we’re turned around, thrown back on track, or shifted in the right direction.
So what happened to me on that awful, no good day? Something very simple.
I was on the road, stopped at a red light, internally dealing with my curmudgeon side. It just so happened that when I looked out my window and peered through the glass of another’s car, I saw a young woman crying in the driver’s seat. The tears streaming down her face were lit by the strands of sunlight beaming through her windows, and there were many. In fact, this girl was bawling. Her shoulders shook, and the one tissue she had soaked through, yet she clung to it as if it were her lifeline.
She never noticed me, but she’ll never know how her reaction to “whatever it was in her life” quaked in the deep parts of my soul. I was moved, no better, inspired by my blessed life. Suddenly, my daily demands were an opportunity for me to radiate my true spirit stifled within. That is when I dared to look straight into the sun, searching for the thing much bigger than me to say thank you. It was my Christmas (Holiday) miracle, because it reshaped my season into something beautiful – something meaningful – something wonderful.
During this very, sacred season, I will be very personal with my readers. This is a time of peace for me – a time to think about what my life has taught me – where my heart rests true.
I have learned so much about the fragility of a soul - the delicacy of feelings - the simplicity of listening and feeling deeply for another being. Though I have trouble spots with many of my relationships, I have learned to see them for who they are and not who I want them to be. It is a struggle I am always grappling with, but something that I am completely aware of.
I have also learned that nothing good comes from lies. Nothing sound comes from shaky foundations. Relationships are not congruent. They are irregular, and what works for one may not work for another. But, regardless of irregular shapes, one thing is for certain - ALL relationships should and need to be reciprocated. If someone cares for you, then they must be cared for in return. If someone appreciates you, then you should appreciate them back. I have learned to really listen to what people are saying with or without words. I have committed myself, no dedicated myself to learn how to love others not as I would have it, but as they need it. If someone needs compliments, I am sure to give them. If someone needs space, I strive to know when to do so. It isn't easy, but these lessons lead me from one day to the next.
I have been alone a lot in my life (college was terribly lonely for me) because I strive to do the right thing for myself and those I love. Now, with children, making friends seems all the more difficult as I am very picky. I trust my faith. I trust my desire to grow in that direction with values that seem to be voided in this day and age, and yet, values are soooo timeless and ageless. My values, though works in progress, have always been my fountain of youth - my fountain of strength. I gripe about my body and my appearance trying to keep up with modern demands for a woman, but really...values are the only things that truly matter. They ground me. They build me. They challenge me. They prepare me. They change me.
Walking, and noticing the smallest things around you.
Friends, relatives, a partner, a child – someone who appreciates you.
A job – not because you love it or even like it, but because it sustains you and your family.
Possessions, because you have more than you need.
Your health, because you are breathing and you are alive.
The body, not because it looks good, but because it reflects the deepest gifts within you.
The mind, not because you are smart, but because you have dreams.
The word, not because of what it says, but because of what it means.
Life’s mountains, because they teach you to climb and to survive.
Laughter, because it stirs what we work so hard to conceal.
Practicing, since we get another chance.
Chances, since we can turn our lives around.
Challenges, because they build character.
Troubles, because they can be turned into blessings.
Messes, because they can be cleaned up.
Love, because it can be made in the toughest conditions.
Love, because it is the greatest virtue.
Love, because it is possible.
Thankfulness is an opportunity to recreate oneself with each, new day. When we find gratitude in our attitudes, we are rejuvenated and called home. We are centered. We are “chi”. We are invincible.
I kneel before my pain. It wraps me, constricts me, and somehow grounds me.
There is an altar where I dump all my pain. It is invisible, but very real to me.
I meditate it.
I struggle with it.
I offer it.
Pain.
Pain has a way of summoning the best and the worst in me, fusing it all together and leaving me with a big job – the part where I get to pick and choose
What is really important?
What I have or don’t have control over?
Where I go from there?
It screams in my face, demanding me to do something – even when I want to do nothing but wallow, strumming my strings of lament.
Pain can cripple me.
It can restrict me, holding me back from all my potential.
Sometimes a friend, and many times my enemy.
Today, I will make pain my friend.
I will search through it, looking out for my flaws – the only things I have control over.
I have a mind to decipher.
A body to fight.
A heart to make better.
A soul worth it all.
I will embrace my pain, endure it, and hope that it will make me stronger.
For pain itself will NOT kill me. My choices will.
If you asked me this, I would really have to think about it. It seems that most people are not too concerned about truth. It is easier to dodge the truth, to ignore it, to bury it, to surround it with every possible, fabricated thing we can think of so we don’t see it, hear it, or touch it.
Pressure squeezes out our own strengths.
Misfortune bleeds us dry.
The lies we live become the person we are – shallow, unexamined, soulless.
The heart of an authentic person is truthful to its origins, its beliefs, and its merits. An authentic person can pass worldly tests, uphold honor in difficult times, and stand quite alone on too many nights – in short – suffer. And who wants to suffer?
Yet, if we really look at our lives, some of the greatest people we know have suffered beyond our imaginings. They’ve been hurt, or they’ve fallen ill, and they are still mostly happy, accepting, and genuinely willing to take it all.
To have authenticity means to measure the things in our lives. Are they real or are they fabricated so that we feel or look good? Are they necessary to our true happiness? Do they make us a better person? No doubt the authentic people in my life have gone through great extents pondering these questions and more.
With so much countering us, how do we remain strong? How can we witness our own, individual authenticity in our daily lives? The answer is both simple and complex. It is courage – courage to be the person we are called to be, and detaching ourselves from the person that the world wants us to be. This is a commitment. This is a life process. It is a slow metamorphosis to grow into an authentic life where we are completely rooted in our own truths, whatever they may be.
So, this week, I wish you luck as you start your authentic journeys. I am knee deep in mine, and it will never be over.
But to be committed to this,
To be conscious of this,
To be motivated by this,
Perhaps makes me closer to the unseen things of this world that drive me, cradle me, and call me. I am trying to listen.
They say that windows are a glimpse of someone’s life.
When someone shares a piece of their life, we get a picture of something…something wonderful or something terrible, or something in between. Either way, a window will reveal something.
If you look, there are windows all around us, sizing sceneries and happenings into squares. However small they are, they carry depth, meaning, and feeling.
Look and listen to what’s around you. Perhaps you are getting a glimpse of another’s window into their lives. Maybe that window makes you feel grateful. Maybe that window makes you feel lost. Either way, these windows make you feel.
When your pet harasses you around the house, desperate to tell you something you just can’t figure out, until he finally takes it upon himself to eat the soft pretzel you’re carrying right out of your hand that you forgot about.
When the toilet roll you meant to put in the toilet roll dispenser is still unbound, free, and almost done.
When there is chemistry between you and your spouse, only sometimes it’s toxic.
When your favorite song is on and your child is singing at the top of his lungs in a language you’ve never heard before.
When the laundry just keeps coming, and you start throwing it in drawers rather than organizing the neat, folded, color-coded piles you’re fond of.
When you’re staring at your child, you know his name, but you’re calling him everything and everyone else.
When you’ve brought your child to the beach countless times dressed in a bright orange bathing suit only to learn that while reading a book about sharks with your older child that sharks totally dig bright orange and red colors.
When you’ve placed the coffee cup on top of the car, gotten in the car along with everyone and everything else, driven away, and realize your hot coffee is not there to relieve your morning fatigue. Instead, it’s splattered all over the street.
When you are seriously thinking about selling your spouse and taking the money for a vacation.
When everyone is watching television and you are reading a book.
When your car is quiet for one second and the next thing you know, you’re driving the muppet bus, only, there are multiple Animals in there.
When you’ve lost your cool, and your child demands you get a hold of yourself this instant.
When you’ve cleaned the house, helped the children with homework, caught up with an old friend on the phone, and burned dinner.
When you’ve found the keys, found your purse, gathered up your children, found your wallet, but lost your mind.
When everything you love to eat clogs your arteries, raises blood sugar, and gives you added poundage.
When you feel like you’re getting old, but your kids won’t have it.
When your husband takes impeccable care of the house, but one, tiny, missed crack brings a slew of mice.
When you’ve promised yourself to get some sleep and you wake up wired at 3a.m. all by yourself.
If you can relate, click LIKE for this week’s post. Life is crazy no matter which angle it’s taken fromJ Feel free to add your own, humorous takes on things that happen to you on the Facebook Fan Page.
A new season is upon us. Autumn is very symbolic indeed. It is the season of change – something we all take part in every day of our lives. Changing to be good, constantly tweaking, maneuvering, and rearranging the very things that make up who we are.
Fall’s vibrant colors symbolize the signs of wholesome living.
Reds scream excitement, reminding the soul of the highest esteem, which is love.
Golds bring warmth and a promise for the joy that’s to come.
Oranges balance the extremities of fiery turbulence and soothing melancholy.
Greens remind me of nature’s presence, symbolizing life’s continuum – fruitful, fertile and forever.
Blues cool and cleanse, bringing the most sophisticated, calming peace.
Violets demand the graceful, noble, and mysterious magic of life in every direction.
As farmers harvest the goods they have planted, I wonder about harvesting the good things about me. I have labored so long with trials and tribulations, and I wonder if my seeds have produced anything worthy. How have I lived? Can I reap any benefit from the way that I have lived? If I can, then perhaps my coming winter may come softly, stay quietly, and leave peacefully.
As I sit nestled in the comfort of my home, my heart digresses to those who may be lonely, rejected, outcast, or simply lost. There have been many times when I felt these things, and I remember the pain. Loneliness can make you feel deflated in so many ways. You can’t seem to get out of your hole and get off the ground. Worse yet, you don’t want to or you don’t know how.
When I think back and wonder about the reasons why I felt lonely in the first place, I see how I pointed fingers or literally buried myself in an avalanche of unmet expectations. But since then, I have grown a bit, and I am less lonely during times when I am alone in my life.
We all have periods when we go it alone, seemingly friendless, misunderstood, or simply flat-lined with everything in our lives - stale points where we don’t seem to move and we wait, uncertain of what’s to come. These times are difficult, and many of them seem like eras or eternities rather than just moments.
When I say I’ve grown a bit, I mean that I have found something that helps me during these times. My own, personal loneliness has graced me with valuable lessons about how I view myself. Self image is the most important defense I have against loneliness. It’s the way I feel about me; the way I view me; the way I treat me.
Do I drift according to what others think of me or how I relate myself to others, or do I live as a constant – one lighthouse against all the storms that come to my shores? If I live with expectations that may not manifest, then chances are I am depressed or worried, and definitely less than my true potential. But, if I live to find happiness in the smallest of things – things I can grasp to get me through, then those are the stepping stones I use to hobble along on my coarse roads.
Self image grows from defining myself through things that make me happy. Taking a walk, not because I am alone, but because I want to breathe the air or appreciate what’s around me. Or doing something nice for someone else, not because I want to be noticed, but because it helps me feel better about life. All the while, I am feeding my self image positively, not worried about the future, and pushing out that lonely feeling. Security rises as my self image is positively attended to. Independence blooms a little bit brighter.
Rather than being someone who must be loved by others, love yourself first. Take pride in the smallest of things. That’s when you will discover your gifts and talents. That’s when you will be okay with your loneliness when it happens. That’s when you will shine in the dark like a beacon – a constant. Others may not notice, but you will be okay, because that light will be your own aura to get you through.
There’s a force in the air. Its dark blanket wants to hold me, smother me, and make me suffocate. It seems that I feel it in too many places, and most of the time when there is a crowd. The energy from this force radiates off of many, mixing in the air like a toxic brew. It dissipates and meanders around the vulnerable, the innocent, and the oblivious, enticing and tempting. I wonder about its unique power as it seems to spread and fill up in seemingly insignificant crevices that have great stakes through time.
You ask me what this force is, but deep down you already know the answer. It lives inside every one of us. Some of us can control it, while others fall into its black pit and drown in it. Shouts, condescendence, rudeness, judgment, and hatred ALL linger in its forceful atmosphere,
pushing and pulling
swirling and staggering
dumping and dragging.
The word ANGER resonates like a replayed song that tortures, breaking us down to less than who we are. We can’t see it, but we feel it. Sometimes its quiet lulls and lurks until it is a storm that wreaks catastrophe on us and those we are supposed to love.
Regret, hurt, and discomfort are the aftermath of this great, dark force, and many times, it is all we have to show for ourselves. I ask you to look at your life and those who are in it. Where does this force creep? Where does it linger? And I ask you one more thing. Can you rid of it?
Throw your blanket of light over ANGER. Hold it. Smother it. And Suffocate it. Push it out, because ANGER is never who you truly are.
Jake is
cute. So what? He plays football, he drives a hot car, and he flirts with
cheerleaders. He is the epitome of the school jock, the homecoming star, and
the prom king. He keeps a messy locker, runs late to class, slouches in the
back looking bored, and never participates. I’ve even seen him smirk at me once
or twice because I am an active student who actually does the required work.
I’m sure
you guessed it. Jake and I are polar opposites. I read books, win science fairs,
and practice my morals. I’m not much for makeup or sizing my diets down to
green leaves, so many might label me as less than a girl. While Jake spreads cheer,
sews his social seeds, and shines in the spotlights, I am content in my quiet
corner surrounded by my other artsy smartsy friends. Like water and oil, fire
and ice, and light and dark – that’s who we are.
But I like
him, see. And no one knows it but me.
He has this
smile that lights up a room. And his eyes? Well, let’s just say they make my knees
buckle. There’s this thing that draws me to him. It’s something I can’t figure
out. On the surface, he is happy, but if I look really hard, I have to wonder.
Maybe it’s
my imagination, but I’ve caught him a few times looking my way, though I don’t know
why. I am ordinary compared to the long legged daisies that flock all around
him, puckering their lips and batting their eyes at him. I have no business
even trying that hard for a guy. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m just not that
coordinated. I’m not that good, you know?
Oh well,
the music room is open and no one’s around. I’ll just go and sing my blues
away…
“That’s
really good,” he says. I am startled when I see Jake at the doorway, listening.
There’s
something in his eyes like a longing I can’t place. I even think I see a tear.
“It’s the
song they sang at my mother’s funeral,” he said as my heart suddenly skipped a
few beats. “She always loved it, and I haven’t heard it since.”
“Jake, I –
I’m sorry,” I say. “I – I didn’t know.”
“There’s a
lot you don’t know about me,” he said. “You only know what you stereotype, and
even that’s not the truth behind anything.”
Boy, did he
grab me by the heart and twist it real good, but he was right. I had nothing to
argue. I was guilty. I labeled everyone, including myself, always prejudging
and never giving anything a real chance.
“You know,
I bet I could beat you at Geometry proofs,” he chuckled, moving closer. “And I
bet you would look really cute on a date.”
My throat
went dry.
“Are you
asking me out?” I said.
“Only if
you promise not to label anything, and give me a chance. You’ll see I’m a good
guy,” he said.
And then it
hit me. That strange thing that drew me to him, remember? It was the
unexpected. A lesson learned from an unlikely candidate who would soon break
the rigids of my labels. Labels that stifle, blind, and hurt.
A beautiful child sits near me in the park. His sunken
eyes are lit with wonder as he watches the boys and girls playing ball. His
bald head is gently shaded by his pin-striped ball cap. His hardy giggle
transcends into the breezy air as rustling trees dance above us.Fluffy, white clouds interrupt the azure from
the sky, carving out fields of heavens that are reaching.
My eyes turn back
toward the boy whose body is minimized to bones as he rests on the wheelchair
that carries him; guards him; envelopes him. His frail hands are wrapped
tightly around the arm rests, eagerly waiting for the next boy at bat. The
pitcher releases the ball, and he holds his breath as the batter moves to
swing. Crack! It’s off. It’s whisked. It spirals out of sight, bringing three
runners into home plate.
“Game over,” he
says. “Whew! That was a good one.”
“Yes,” I say,
getting ready to wheel him toward the car.
“I miss playing
ball like that,” he says.
“I miss watching
you,” I say.
“Mama, I’ve just
had a thought,” he says, suddenly concerned. “You won’t be able to watch me
when I die.”
I gulp, feeling
the pain of our reality weaken me. I fight its force and I manage a shaky
smile.
“No, but I believe
I will feel you, my love. And I will always remember the way you were and the
way you are now,” I say.
“How am I now?” he
asks.
I kneel down
beside him with tear-filled eyes. His gentle face calms my restlessness, and
the feel of his embrace hugs my sorrow to its quiet.
“You are the most
beautiful person I’ve ever known,” I admit to him. “You’ve suffered. You still
suffer. And after everything, you still smile. You still find joy in others’
happiness. You still love the world too, only more now. It’s like the thing
that’s inside you works so hard to break your body down, but it can’t touch
your soul. You get stronger. You grow more beautiful, and you teach me to be
better.”
“Really?” he
smiles the giddy smile of a thirteen year old.
“Yes,” I sniffle.
“Homerun then,
huh?” he asks, making my heart break further as he winks at me.
I hug him, wishing
I could lock us in that moment, knowing that one day soon I wouldn’t be able to
hug him anymore. And here he is asking me if this experience is a homerun! But
somewhere in my miserable sadness; my unfathomable fear; my desire to retaliate
against the cancer that consumes him, is my faith. I am suddenly humbled,
deafened by the sound of my boy’s resolve, and all I can say is…
“Homerun, darling.”
Responses: Chrishawn:
Tear-jerker....I have a hard time containing my emotions when I read this. Brava!
Someone
once said that one can never have too many friends. But what happens when those
friends become nothing more than a computer screen or a photo in a box?
Suddenly, their facial features become remote. Their familiar antics disappear.
The sound of their voice turns into clicks on a keyboard. People fade, and a
computer takes the limelight. Conversations become text messages – lower caps, fragmented
thoughts, no punctuation, no emotion. Everyone is flat-lined, and we’re all
guilty.
Some may
argue that this isn’t such a bad thing. Technology is inevitable in our
society, and no one can fight it. Besides, it’s better to talk to someone
rather than no one. Computer access
increases social networks, obvious, instant outreach, and immediate thought
satisfaction. I admit to my support of these truths. There are major benefits
to computer communication, and I take advantage of its easy access. But I can’t
help missing the old ways of talking on the phone with someone or catching up
one on one over a cup of Joe. There are many times when I want to slow down and
communicate with someone eye to eye. After all, nothing can replace a person’s
smile or a person’s presence.
So, what do
we do? How do we maintain personable relationships with people who matter in a
world where fast-paced technology takes over?
Slow Down
Take the time to pick and choose the people you want to see
or be with in the midst of your busy schedules. Make an effort to approach them
on a personal note either by a phone call, a personal message on Face book that
is just between the two of you, or if you’re lucky, an actual meeting where you
can chat like real people.
Be present
Step away from the temptation of a quick word here and
there. Visit someone. Be together with a friend. Presence in a friendship
speaks louder than any words one can type or speak.
Don’t Make Excuses
It’s a fact. We’re all busy! But are we really too busy to
take an hour or two every few weeks to be with someone; to share our point of
views, our families, our support?
Monkey see; Monkey do
If you want your children or your own friends to be
personable and have strong people skills, you have to show them this. Trust
me….these skills will not be learned from a computer!
Be Consistent
Real friendships and relationships are rarely about dropping
a line here or there. They are a constant testament to your integrity in a
natural way so to speak; a way of life; something that you are a part of
actively and regularly.
Know When to Quit
If you’re living in the same area and you’ve tried and tried
to get a relationship deeper than just a computer status, move on. Bottom line:
You’re worth more than that, especially if you are a personable person needing
more than your keyboard. Relationships are so much more than a one way street.
Find those who feel the same, and make the effort to build your friendship from
there. Reciprocation is a MUST in a friendship.
When we’re
young, making friends seems easier because we are constantly revolving around
social opportunities. As we get older, making friends can be more difficult
when life is pinpointed to overworked jobs, crazy kid schedules, and isolation.
Let’s not forget that once you have children, appropriate friendships become a
serious issue! Either way, at ANY age, maintaining a friendship is always the
tougher task. Are you really satisfied with minimizing a friendship to your
computer screen? OR Are you and your friend willing to commit to move beyond
the keyboard and being present in each other’s lives? Stay connected to what
counts!
The world is a giant puzzle, connected in one way, shape, or
form.
Moving pieces scattered all about, wondering where they fit.
Alone, they are unique and seemingly insignificant to the
larger picture
But together, they are a masterpiece of the greatest art
that ever was…
Life.
I am a piece of the world’s puzzle,
And I am very small compared to some other pieces.
My edges are jagged, but just the other day I met someone
whose were frayed.
We shared something in common…
Longing.
Some pieces fit, and others are still scattered.
Many force themselves to fit, while others hide until they
understand their form
Some are lost, and some get found
But all the pieces, no matter how small are important to the
message…
Love.
Without me, this great puzzle is incomplete.
I must value the piece I’ve been given.
Fill it with the colors of my life
Plotting my way. Understanding my shape. Balancing my form.
So that I may find where I fit.
Belonging.
Responses: Chishawn
I fit! I love how this blog basically instructs you to get off of yourself and realize it is not about you but how you can compliment someone else. Beautiful job! :)
I sit
comfortably with a magazine on my lap. I flip through its multiple pages, each
one with a different girl who seems perfect. These full-lipped, no mess,
sultry-eyed, gold-toned beauties imprint on my mind. Suddenly, I’m not so
comfortable. I’m restless, feeling as if there is something I need to do –
something to make me look better, feel better, and be better.
The next thing I know, I am
watching a movie, and there it goes again. Images of a woman’s body are never
missed – some obscene and others tactful – but enhanced nevertheless. A perfect
shot of her here or there; a sensual smile, a provocative gesture; it’s all
there, personifying pleasure and accentuation the smallest aspect of who I
really am.
So many days I have felt the power
of ugliness; of being swooned and outcast; of being tried and spent; of being challenged
and misunderstood. I have second guessed the way that I look. I have
compromised my intellectual capabilities. I have failed to see the true beauty
that gets buried deep inside, like the goodness that I am or the compassion
that I feel for the world around me. Too many times, I am caught up in the
faceted world, which bisects my nature and turns it into something tarnished or
flawed. I realize that I am far from the kind of woman society hails, or Hollywood for that matter,
and there is a part of me that rebels, sometimes at the expense of me and other
times, at the expense of others.
Society is a loud place, and more
times than not I am humbled and quieted, struggling to keep face and knowing
the honesty I owe myself. Inside the folds of my skin, my heart beats for the
world to make it a better place. There is a soul within this body, aching to
help and to inspire anyone who will listen. I am the very breath of the space
that is around me, which in and of itself is gold. These are the things I have
to remember – the things that I must cherish in order to rise above nonsense.
I am woman, worthy of respect. I am
your mother, your sister, your daughter, your wife, your best friend. I am a
creator, a thinker, a fighter, a nurturer, a powerhouse; second to nothing, and
in that, I am significant – worthy of every wonderful thing this world has to
offer.
What if I was told I was dying? How
would I muster the strength to move toward that ultimatum? More importantly
though, how would I consider the life I already lived? If I were to go back,
then like the seasons, my memories would change. Some would bring joy where I
would feel warmth all over. Others would cause pain and perhaps regret. Either
way, all would have colors and characteristics of their own, awakening my
senses and stirring my soul. My body would be slowing, but my soul would be
invigorated. Suddenly, faded memories might be clearer, and everything I ever
was would be vivid before me.
To face
death is to directly face life. What and how did I feel at certain times? Which
things did I savor, and which things did I disregard? What rules did I follow
or make up as I went along? Was I one of those people who never cared, never
changed, or never got better as I got older? Or was I one of the lucky who
found my center and connected every fiber of my being to the world given me? Though
my life was worth it, did I show that it was so?
I try to
imagine the moment of my death – the one right before I close my eyes forever.
When I think of that moment, I hope to be free. Free of worldly things that do
not matter. Free of feelings that cripple my heart. Free of sour thoughts that
hinder the good things I’ve done or the good things that are. I want to let go
of a world that I’ve loved so deeply to see the universe I believe in.
I imagine
my heart’s beat as it slows. The fluid within me dries. My senses falter. My
body is tired as it becomes motionless, but all the while something inside me
stirs. No, it is buoyant, dancing as it detaches. It is ready. It is alive. It
is beautiful. It is vivid more than ever as it moves to be freed of its earthly
shell. And in that moment, when my physical eyes close, my soul is energized. I
have not left myself, only my body, and I am flying. I am fleeing. I am
traveling to paradise.
My little girl is mesmerized with
herself in front of a mirror. She toys with her pigtails, smiles at what she
sees, and even pays a kiss to herself. Her beautiful face brightens the room,
and her joyous light radiates everywhere she goes. She unknowingly wears the
cloak of innocence, not yet weighed down by pressures, worldly things, or ideas
that could sabotage the feelings she has for herself.
It is a
scary thought how one day she may look at herself with a different opinion. Her
eyes may have shadows cast upon them or worse, a psychological or social
blindness, keeping her from seeing her beauty on the inside and the outside.
She may compromise all the good things about her in order to fit in. Perhaps
she’ll even grow apart from me so that she can hide all the wonderful things I
know she is and will be. It is a reality that is quite possible for her and to
all young people out there.
The choice
to fit in or to hold tightly to one’s true self will be her greatest challenge
as she grows. Will she be strong enough? Will she be keen enough to see right
through the nonsense? Will I be? If she chooses to fit in, then she will be a
pawn – open, mislead, and eventually taken over. If she chooses to stand
against all the things that could hurt her, then she’ll be the chessboard –
rooted, strong, yet alone as all the pieces are taken and maybe one, true
friend is left if any.
With
strength comes loneliness – a singling out or a setting apart from the fast
paced society which forces a loss of respect and a leap into danger. With
loneliness may come sadness, confusion, or anger – things that will walk with
her on her journey of growth. She’ll need support. She’ll crave companionship.
She’ll demand to understand.
The road of growth will not be
easy, but I have to be strong for her and she has to be strong for herself.
Through it all, I promise to talk to her. To be there for her. To hold hold her
just enough where she will not feel stifled – all the while adjusting as we go.
To stand behind her, giving her the voice of reason. To walk with her,
straightening her wings and readying her flight so that she can grow into
someone who will soar.
Saying the words, “I’m sorry” is as
common as saying “I love you”, yet both are not about the words. They are about
the process. Once an apology leaves your mouth, it never stops there. It
becomes part of you – a piece of you that you must stay attuned to. It is a
testimony that you must live by once you’ve committed to apologizing to
someone.
I am not
talking about rolling out the red carpet or kissing someone’s feet after you’ve
messed up. I speak of a kind of fuel or power behind the words, which can
rebuild relationships when a “sorry” is taken to heart. I am talking about
effort, commitment, and the deliverance of your apology. If you say it, you
MUST deliver it. That is, you must mean it, and live by it for the rest of your
days.
Some might
say it’s an art. Others might say it’s a science. I say it is spiritual. Being
sorry is being vulnerable. It is an open, conscientious act to admit a self
flaw. It is nothing short of a power driven by one’s heart – to reveal, to
repair, to reassess, to reinstate, and ultimately to reaccept in a new kind of
light.
When love
is the basis for a relationship, being sorry has a chance. Suddenly, it becomes
more than just words. It becomes the envelope that wraps what counts and keeps
it protected and cherished. It is the constant ingredient that allows the
savory aspects of a kinship to come to the surface.
If
apologies are seen in this type of approach, then like a diet, it becomes a way
of life so to speak – a constant effort to never allow a relationship to repeat
the hurt, the sadness, and the disconnect. The process of this type of apology
makes a person grow better, stronger, more deeply and more in tuned to how the
other needs and wants to be loved.
So, the
next time you say “I’m sorry”, don’t just say it. Feel it. Show it. Live it!
Responses:
Christine
I really love the fact you wrote about the meaning of sorry. So often in our society today, people use it as a crutch, say the words which sound hollow and without meaning to "be polite". I feel a lot of times the meaning of an apology is lost and that is something I try to instill in my children- to really mean and take to heart an apology. They shouldn't be just words, they should be the start of a journey. Thank You! Jenny It means so much that you appreciate this! As a mother, wife, friend, and coworker, I am really big on saying sorry. I too am adamant about teaching my own children the meaning and commitment behind a sorry. In that, we are connected, and I too thank you for your words of support.
I’ve found myself in crowded places
these last few days while on vacation. Roads filled with people from all walks
of life. Every nook and cranny packed with the sound of voices. While music
filters through the giant space of air, I watch; tired and hot, yet tuned into
the world around me.
In one
spot, there’s a family carrying on with laughter, chatter, and energy. I can
see the smiles and twinkles in their eyes as their happiness connects to others
that feel the same way.
In another
area, there are two people sitting quietly, pondering their surroundings.
Perhaps they are taking in the well tended gardens or the clouded castles in
the sky. Whatever they are thinking, it’s peaceful and they are content.
And then
there are the ones having a moment with their spouse, holding hands or maybe
even having a spat. Children here, there, and everywhere are wearing joy, contentment,
exhaustion, or utter frustration.
In this
place of amusement, families gather to be with one another. And in those little
spaces, there are moments, good and bad. Through it all, there is a bond of
history between each one. Roads and times they’ve traveled on. Situations and
dilemmas they’ve stumbled upon. Seconds and snap shots they’ve treasured. And
in the midst of everything, there is the foundation, which is love.
Love that goes with them.
Love that carries them.
Love that takes them home.
Responses:
Chrishawn: Great read. Simple but complicated reality. When families gather nomatter..they will go through a range of emotions but usually end up back 'home'so-to-speak. Loving each other through the roller coasters.
Jenny: Thanks for chiming in:) I feel encouraged by families who can be together, go through the motions together, and come out still loyal and fond of each other in their likenesses and their differences:
